cultural commentary from the desk of Don Shewey
BOLOGNA
There is a grave and learned air about the city, and a pleasant gloom about it, that would leave a distinct and separate impression in the mind, among a crowd of cities, though it were not still further marked in the traveller’s remembrance by the two brick leaning towers, inclining clock-wise as if they were bowing stiffly to each other.
— Charles Dickens
PLEASURE
“The Word”
Down near the bottom
of the crossed-out list
of things you have to do today,
between “green thread”
and “broccoli,” you find
that you have penciled “sunlight.”
Resting on the page, the word
is beautiful. It touches you
as if you had a friend
and sunlight were a present
he had sent from someplace distant
as this morning—to cheer you up,
and to remind you that,
among your duties, pleasure
is a thing
that also needs accomplishing.
Do you remember?
that time and light are kinds
of love, and love
is no less practical
than a coffee grinder
or a safe spare tire?
Tomorrow you may be utterly
without a clue,
but today you get a telegram
from the heart in exile,
proclaiming that the kingdom
still exists,
the king and queen alive,
still speaking to their children,
—to any one among them
who can find the time
to sit out in the sun and listen.
— Tony Hoagland
“10 Slow Sex Tips”
1. Go slower than you would imagine. Then go even slower. In slow sex, there is no minimum speed limit. We promise, if you want to rev things up–try slowing down.
2. Play with peaking. Orgasm has its ups and downs. Get to know both and enjoy a whole new kind of ride.
3. Increase attention rather than pressure.If you want to get more out of sex, expand your range beyond “harder and faster.” Increase attention along the way. Try this on for size: What does it feel like to focus on your partner’s collar bone 5 minutes straight?
4. Stay Connected. Fantasy can be fun, but it often leaves your partner behind. Stay connected physically and emotionally. Sex will get much more satisfying for you both.
5. Speak your sensations. Communication is the easiest way to increase intimacy. Discover how sexy “simple” can be. Reveal to your partner what you feel in your body right now. Your sensation will increase the more you do.
6. Safeport your partner. Pave the way for deeper sensation. Tell your partner what you are going to do before you do it.
7. Ask for what you want. Don’t dumb down your desires. Even if your partner says no, you increase intimacy and connection when you are honest.
8. Say the thing you don’t want them to know. Taboo is sexy. You don’t have to act on it, but why keep that sensation to yourself?
9. Do it for your own pleasure. Especially when you are in “giving” mode. The better it feels to you, the better it will feel to your partner. Touch them so that it feels good to you.
10. Do it now. Why wait? Ask for the sex you want, right now, today.
— Nicole Daedone, Slow Sex
another eye opens 