Quote of the day: HYGIENE

October 18, 2011


Filthy fingernails have always been a favorite fashion accessory of mine. Especially when you place your hands in the prayer position. Matter of fact, I urge all my followers to forgo nail polish permanently and replace it with expertly applied soot. The nonexistent gods above will ignore our prayers better this way. Germs, at least in small doses, are good for you. Aren’t all vaccinations filled with a tiny bit of the diseases they are designed to prevent? I’m always mystified to see grown men scrubbing their hands as if they are about to perform open-heart surgery after urinating in New Jersey Turnpike rest stop bathrooms. Did they piss all over their hands at the urinal? Didn’t they already wash their penises that morning in the shower? How does your unit get dirty by aiming a stream of urine into the proper receptacle? These germ freaks will get sick, I guarantee you. They’ll be so healthy they’ll get old and die of “nothing.” Avoid them! Run from the overly clean before they infect you!

— John Waters, Role Models

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