Quote of the day: ZEN

August 1, 2011


There is a Zen saying: “This being the case, how shall I proceed?” This adult question implies an acceptance of reality as it is or of a partner as she is – that is, mindfully. Alternatives would be “This being the case, how should you proceed” or “I can complain,” or “I expect you to change it” or “I will retaliate.” It is a turning point toward commitment when one partner accepts the other as she is – for example, as a procrastinator – and instead of complaining, looks into himself and asks, “How shall I proceed? Do I wait for her to change, or do I find a way to take care of myself and attend to my concerns using my own resources?” This is not a way of distancing ourselves from her but of taking responsibility for our behavior and predicament. It grants us power because it puts us in touch with our inner authority.

— David Richo

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