Posts Tagged ‘david richo’

Quote of the day: LOVE

February 13, 2011


Love is experienced differently by each of us, but for most of us five aspects of love stand out. We feel loved when we receive attention, acceptance, appreciation, and affection, and when we are allowed the freedom to live in accord with our own deepest needs and wishes. These “five A’s” meet us in different guises throughout life’s journey. In childhood, we need these five A’s to develop self-esteem and a healthy ego. They are building blocks of identity, of a coherent human personality. Human experience has a striking and reliable harmony: what we need for the building of a self is also precisely what we need for happiness in our adult love relationships. Intimacy, at its best, means giving and receiving the five A’s, the joys and wealth of relationship. These five elements or aspects of love also describe our destiny of service to the world as mature spiritual beings. Great spiritual exemplars such as Jesus or Buddha can be seen as beings who offer this fivefold love to all of us. Through our spiritual practice we come to know a power greater than our ego, and that power nourishes us by granting us the graces of attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.

— David Richo

Quote of the day: PERFECTIONISM

February 2, 2011


We know we are not integrating the full spectrum of our feelings when we keep reducing them all to a single judgment. For example, “I am emotionally stuck,” may also mean: “I am depressed and grieving and self-pitying and refusing to self-activate.” Or “I am a loving father” may need to be expanded to “I am a loving father in many ways and there are also times when I am controlling and put my own expectations ahead of my children’s needs.”

Noticing when we disregard the full spectrum of our feelings and behavior and then acknowledging our missing predicates may enrich our sense of our own depth! “From now on, every time I judge myself (or others), I will use the technique of adding four more adjectives that are also somehow true!”

Acknowledge openly to others that sometimes you succeed and sometimes you fail; sometimes you come through for them and sometimes you let them down. You offer to come through for someone just one more time than you let someone down. You offer not perfection but commitment to make amends for failures, to make restitution for losses. This is a flexible (and therefore adult) presentation of your self. It preserves you from the expectation by others that you can be counted on absolutely, or the verdict of others that you be discounted absolutely. “To live is to change and to be perfect is to have changed often,” as Cardinal Newman so wisely remarked. It would be a great violation of humanness to be rigidly perfect in conduct. The repressive vigilance such white-knuckling requires does not signify an achievement but a self-defacement.

— David Richo, How to Be an Adult

Quote of the day: GRIEF

December 3, 2010


Mourning is the appropriate response to the loss of what we once had or to the sad realization that we did not have all we needed. We are grieving the irretrievable aspect of what we lost and the irreplaceable aspect of what we missed. Only these two realizations lead to resolution of grief because only these two acknowledge, without denial, how truly bereft we were or are. From the pit of this deep admission that something is irrevocably over and gone, we finally stand clear of the insatiable need to find it again from our parents or partner. To have sought it was to have denied how utter was its absence!

Griefwork done with consciousness builds self-esteem since it shows us our courageous faithfulness to the reality of loss. It authenticates us as adults who can say Yes to sadness, anger, and hurt. Such an heroic embrace of our own truth transforms emptiness into capacity. As Jung notes, “your inner emptiness conceals just as great a fullness if you only allow it.”

— David Richo

Quote of the day: NEED

December 2, 2010


Only those who can take care of themselves are free from the two main obstacles to adult relating: being needy or care-taking others. “I will come to you, my friend, when I no longer need you. Then you will find a palace, not an almshouse,” Thoreau once said.

— David Richo


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